The truth is, I can’t figure out how to play. And there must be some magical way of making an instrument feel good, but I can’t imagine how. Maybe a violin player’s hands are better than the rest of his body, or maybe I just get this way with classical music. Either way, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
So I keep getting sick and I keep getting weaker. In my dreams, I can’t play my favorite notes. The first sign of trouble is when that violin sounds like the tiniest piece of air, and if we’re playing for a small crowd, it can get noisy. In my dreams I’m playing by eye and looking in the reflection of the violin’s mouth and the hands as they move their strings.
I can’t stay still any more. I start running around on the floor and trying to play. My vision goes blurry as I dart around on the violin, trying to play my best. In my dreams, a friend from the band comes and plays and laughs as I try to play with them and we finish our sets.
When I wake up in these strange dreams, I’m back where I started last night but with a different set of limbs and a different personality. I can see and hear the violin but I can’t play it. I’m not sure I want to be here but I cannot stop going. After all, I was here last night.
This isn’t a dream. It’s happening to me but I cannot believe it. I’m starting to believe I should not be here.
On the second night, I’m doing homework, sitting a long way away from the window. My bed feels like a big soft cushion, like the seat of my life. My head is heavy and I breathe deeply through my nose. I’m looking up to the window and I see this car behind me. I see red headlights and a small bright light shining through my windows. I look behind the window and I see the car door opening and the small guy from the band standing by my corner.
“Hi, how are you,” he says to me.
I look up to see him trying to sit down on the sideboard by the door, but I’m not there. The car door is open and the guy is still sitting there.
“Hey there kid,” he says. “What are you doing here? You should be resting your head between your legs
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