That was your first name.
I didn’t know it was called a horse race until you were born.
“Let me show you what we want. It’s all right. And we’ve won it before.”
“If we didn’t give a shit now, you wouldn’t be asking for it.”
“Now that you’re here, we’ll start the fun. And your dad and mom?”
“We’ll be getting a little closer.”
“You got a little closer? You’re gonna throw the baby down the slide? You can’t be out here in the sun on this day.”
I don’t know what kind of hell this world has prepared the other children for, but we weren’t supposed to have babies. Instead, we learned how to be parents.
The second kid was bigger than the last, and I remember saying to my brother, “You’re gonna be famous one day.”
You might think that you’re going to live forever, but I promise you, when your death comes, you’re going to be dead. You can be dead at 40, but when your death comes, you’re going to be dead. The whole point of death is to give your soul somewhere to rest. You will be dead, but it will be in your head forever.
After that, everyone kept trying to be big. All the kids wanted to be bigger, bigger, bigger: the three of us. There were other ones, but we just kept in on it. The older you were, the larger your body became. When my brother was 10, we didn’t take off our jackets because the boys in our class were 6 feet tall. It was cool, you know?
I always had a crush on Steve. He was tall, handsome, and very loud, but I was afraid of him. So even though he always seemed so big and intimidating, we tried to be more loving, but I hated him sometimes.
I had a brother. But I felt a little like my brother. I couldn’t bear to look at him or see what he looked like. You could just sense his fear and hate.
It took until I was 9 years old. That’s the year we got in love. My brother and I had taken a ride with a bus driver called Billy. He had the kind of face that looked like a shark. I wanted to be like him, but he was so good. I loved him so
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